You guys might remember (probably not) that five years ago friend of the blog Stephanie gave me this dope zine:
It’s so much more than you think it is
Well, after I posted about it, the, uh, “curator” of this zine sent me the zines for the rest of the seasons, which I have cherished.
BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT THESE ZINES ARE ALL NOW A BOOK?
A REAL BOOK
Yes! A real book with blurbs and everything. You can buy it on Amazon (that’s an affiliate link so we get like, 7 cents if you buy it) or here it is from the publisher website.
It’s really a pretty amazing work that is full of more subtext than the slammin’ baskets scene.
I’m sure that by now most of you have realized that it’s Anna who does the heavy lifting here. I’ve had a busy couple of months, but that’s no excuse that any blogger worth their salt would put forward in earnest apology, so let me just hang my head in shame for a second, and then we can move on.
PART OF THE PROBLEM was that I bit off a little more than I could chew. Encounter at Farpoint is a giant beast of an episode—the very first, of course. But before we get into it, I’d like us to take a little trip down memory lane. Pretend the year is 1987, and the prior TV season, four of the top 5 television shows were sitcoms, and the one drama was Murder She Wrote. And these guys march into Paramount’s television office with balls of brass and propose a space show based off of a series from the ‘50s that ran for three seasons, and then put out a handful of movies. Wow. Wow.
A few magical months (years?) later, here we are… Episode I. There are a lot of dramatic introductory shots, most especially this one which is LITERALLY THE FIRST THING YOU SEE in the whole show:
I don’t know what this show’s about, but I know it’s got a bald man and some wooden walls.
Our friends at TrekCore asked on Twitter if people had Star Trek swag at their office, and there are a bunch of great answers but OMG THIS BORG CUBE FRIDGE. You can buy it here (that’s an affiliate link).
I could have sworn we did this ep, like, a WHILE ago, but I think I was just remembering the cake from my childhood viewing of the series because that cake is not an image you get out of your head. You’ll see.
There’s not a ton of fashion in this episode, but there is some truly bananas shit. The episode opens with SPOOKY-ASS MUSIC and Data seeing what look like some miners busting a hole in the wall of the Enterprise:
When you have an emotional breakthrough but you realize you literally punched a hole in your wall
You guys. Basically we are in a place where we have a few juicy episodes left–mostly two-parters–that I feel like Anna and I are saving for… Anna, what are we saving them for? Maybe a sleepover. Anyway, we have those and then a few of these, mostly-uni eps with like, one or two crazy things.
Also this is a case of I watched this episode a while ago and now am finally getting around to writing it up, so forgive me if I blow past some of the plot points.
Also also, it’s a GEORDI episode, and all the poor thing that that entails.
But you don’t have to take my word for it. (BA DUM DUM)
Another Saturday night, another smoky Jeffries’ Tube.
But wait a second, something’s not right here… Geordz is missing his headband VISOR! What the WHAT
Oh, that’s much less cumbersome than the VISOR
Obviously this is supposed to be a high tech outfit but to me it looks like the board game The Omega Virus just vomited all over a patchwork Kevlar top. I mean, the black background with primary color highlights is very on brand for the early nineties, along with a large, chunky chestpiece. Maybe this thing will look a little less awkward when we step back.
Hm. Hard “no” there.
He’s literally trapped inside a dancer’s cage. Riker seems pretty into it. This looks like it’s the same weird cage thing they kept Hugh in while he was learning to be a human. WE’RE ALL TRYING TO LEARN TO BE HUMAN, EVEN GEORDI.
Okay what actually is happening is that this is some VR rig that allows Geordi to control this probe that is on another ship that is trapped in a planet’s poison atmosphere and the crew isn’t responding and this is a way for them to search the ship without dying. The reason Geordi has to do it is because of the VISOR implants in his brain. See, Geordi, you are special!
But also he has some PERSONAL DRAMA that is making this mission ALL THE MORE IMPORTANT.
Crystal ball and metal party hat – must have decorations for any bachelor pad.
Who’s he talkin to?
MAMA, OOOOOOOH…
Yeah, so weirdly we get a data dump about the LaForge family in this episode. This is probably me not being imaginative enough but her hair reminds me of the saucer section of a kid’s version of the Enterprise. Just let me have it guys. She seems sweet!
She’s the captain of the Hera and it apparently the ship has gone missing. Everyone except Geordi seems pretty ready to concede that she’s definitely dead, but G is, like, not so sure? Which like, seems reasonable? Because it’s his mother?
He ends up pouring all of his mom anxiety into trying to find survivors on the ship the Enterprise is trying to help with its probe. But he’s putting a good face on it.
This is fine.
Because this is narrative television of course this system by which Geordi controls this probe is DANGEROUS, but of course he wants to keep doing it. He’s hooked on the junk. This time, because it’s the end of Act I, while he’s in the thing something catches ON FIRE and he tries to touch it or something and THIS happens:
I mean really it just looks like he tried to make a PB&J on his hands. With chunky, not creamy.
Either way, kinna gross.
So, like, clearly Geordi is not dealing great with his mom’s probably death. His dad tries to talk some sense into him.
Strong Larry Wilmore No-Nonsense Vibes from this guy
Dad is already planning the funeral and Geordi is not ready to handle it. Also, fun fact, Geordi’s dad is an “exozoologist” which means he studies animals from other planets, but that seems like a pretty Terra-centric term to use and I would like to posit that 24th Century twitter would be all over this shit. On the other hand, Geordi’s mom outranks his dad so, take that, patriarchy.
Geordi heads back into the machine even though Picard wants to give him bereavement leave and GUESS WHAT HAPPENS.
Oh hey, I’m not missing, I’m a bajillion light years from where I was supposed to be on this ship. Makes sense, right?
In Geordi’s defense, this would screw with my head too, and not in a pleasant way. Once he tells people his mother is on this ship that is otherwise filled with dead people, it’s time to bring out the big guns.
Okay, well, “big guns” was probably the wrong term to use.
I pulled this image for the tiny model of an Area 51 spaceship on the sponge spackled plinth, but, Deanna’s look is on point, so, hey girl. Not much to say about the uggo art other than I find it weirdly aggressive. The plinth has too much texture.
Shockingly, this also does not persuade Geordi to not go into the eird machine that is now definitely killing him anymore, and in a strange moment, Geordi does some ethical philosophy level shit to convince Data to help him get back into the machine even though everyone else is like DUDE, DON’T.
So he goes back into the other ship and there’s a huge fire.
Whoa.
What’s the source of the fire???
She looks like her son just offered her a dead rat as a present.
Around this point we figure out that something is really not right, and then this happens.
(wait for it) THIS. MOM. IS. ON FIIIIIIRE…
So you could probably fill these blanks in yourself but in actual fact this moms is just a manifestation of an alien life force from the planet that was stuck on the damaged ship and the only way it could manifest itself to Geordi was by using his memories of his mother or whatever, blah blah blah. How is Geordi feeling about it?
UUUUGGGGHHHH MOOOOOOOM
Actually he’s, like, stroking out or something because of the DANGEROUS MACHINE he’s wearing. Fortunately, we have a cure for that.
Bev’s tresses don’t hurt either.
That’s all I got, folks! Happy first night of Hanukkah!!!
If a Klingon episode doesn’t have a boob window, is it really a Klingon episode? WE’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.
Ep opens with Worf LATE FOR WORK. Riker tries to get him on the comm but no dice.
Rikes is all like “Don’t make me come up there young man…”
But he does have to go up there (which, like, if you know anything about the layout of the Enterprise you know it’s down there, but maybe their Alexa is just in the ceiling) even though you never know what you’re gonna find in a petulant Klingon’s bedroom.
Does anyone else smell burnt sage?
I don’t know where exactly it happened, but somewhere between here and Season 3 the Klingon aesthetic morphed from death metal to “that guy who discovered Buddhist meditation and won’t shut up about it.”
Hmm… candles, low lighting… Worf, what are you up to? Also, I hope you’ve got a blanket over your—
Well I know what that face means.
Jk, jk, but he *is* meditating real hard. Someone’s in trooooouuuubbbleeee…
Whatever, Captain, I don’t even want to go to your stupid bridge.
Sulking Worf might be the highest form of Worf. It’s time for an intervention.
Look what this has done to your liiiiiiiife.
Can I just say this is often not the most flattering angle and both these guys look 💯..
“I can’t believe you smoked a bowl that big.”
I’m also going to go ahead and say that candles in your quarters ≠ open fire pit. That should go in the backyard of your Palm Springs condo where it belongs.
Anyway, Cap decides that Worf should go to rehab on a spiritual retreat to figure out what’s going on.
YOU WISH.
I’m going to go ahead and guess that a dank cave is not gonna solve your problems.
So these dudebros are all meditating hoping to see Kahless (pronounced KAY-less) who is a kind of Klingon Jesus and who appears to people in visions, and once you see him in a vision you’ve “won”? Like this guy:
Again with the choice of faces.
Worf has been trying to see Kahless for DAYS and is not happy that this guy has seen him and he hasn’t.
FULL WITHER.
This coat that Worf wears at his meditation retreat is actually kinda cool, but I’ll circle back to it in a second.
So there’s Worf all mad that he can’t see Kahless (now that I keep writing it sounds like a really cheesy pickup line… “Hey babe, I can make you see Kahless”) and then this happens:
…Maris?
I mean, we know who it is.
Come here and give your Great Aunt Kahless a kiss.
Hmm… white fur coat, knee-high circulation socks, aggressively beige undergarments… yup, looks like a great aunt to me.
So, point of order real quick… in a world where people can reappear and disappear in transporters ALL THE DING DONG DAY Worf and the others seem to accept this guy popping out of thin air as a religious miracle PRETTY QUICKLY.
Okay, let’s talk about outfits. I’m gonna jump around plotwise here so… sorry.
It’s Joseph and the Amazing Techniboldbox Dreamcoat. But like, if the bold box was… too bold.
I guess Klingons are doing that thing where you only wash your hair once every ten stardates, and it somehow makes it look even more shiny? I mean, Worf and Bev could have a Tress-off here. Worf would lose, but they could still have it.
More importantly, I thought at first I was really into this coat. The fabric is very early-90s teenage boy figuring out his sexuality while not going full neon and I like any jacket whereyou can put your arms in the opposite sleeve to stay warm.
Unfortunately, I can’t tell if you can see it, but there’s an intense collar situation going on.
Am I wearing the jacket or is the jacket wearing me? Hard to tell.
It’s got a kind of militaristic Zorg-chic to it, I guess, though the swirly colorful fabric kind of takes away from any authority those aggressive shoulders might give, but my real complaint is this:
I killed a booth at Sizzler for this jacket.
The red pleather piping just screams buffet-style eating, I don’t know why. Like, just imagine those little plastic milk pots you get at a restaurant that can’t be bothered to have jugs. This was a real fail for me. Let’s take one last look at that sumptuous fabric pattern tho…
Mud colored fingerless leather gloves and a white fur coat are either the LEAST METAL THING or the METALLIEST THING OF ALL TIME. TBD.
Moving from Worf to Kahless, it’s like, hard, I guess, to dress like a savior? They have this mural in the Temple or whatever it is of Kahless…
Man, pre-Revolution France was way more intense than I thought…
I feel like this is one of those situations where the artist takes liberties to make the subject look better than they actually do. We get a real life comparison.
Also, we can agree that this is just a dude wearing the same coat as the mural, yes?
White fur is a bold statement, which I guess if you’re already making it why not go for big shoulders. I don’t get the sash, which appears to be a white fur strip down the center of a discount, discolored gray Old Navy fleece scarf, but it matches the painting so I guess it’s fine.
I wanted to take a more backed-out look at this but the best shot I could find comes from later in the ep, and, spoiler alert, Kahless has to go on board the Enterprise.
This color story is titled Ambivalence
Like, just pick a hue, bro. Any hue. I see now that the thing I thought was a fur-lined Old Navy Bargain bin scarf is actually the lapel (?) of the jacket. It just seems like a lot of flat color on a garment that literally required at least one (maybe several) animals to die in order for it to exist.
At some point Worf has to BATTLE Kahless and so we get to see what’s under his coat.
All hand to hand combat should be done in wine-colored pajama tops
I mean, this fabric looks very soft. I don’t quite know what to do with the pleats-for-days vest, but the leather buckle-less belt seems on point. The high collar he’s wearing seems to be a favorite of the spiritual Klingon crowd.
I wonder if the costume designer for this ep watched it later and was like “Oh my god, when I get drunk I make clothes with ribs.”
I guess I’m not mad at it—at least it has a point of view, even if that point of view is “Free Shuttle Bus from the Phoenix Airport to the Apache Gold Casino.” Plus it gives this guy an opportunity to wear his finery, though I think there’s an obvious missed opportunity here for a boob window.
This is a boob window I’m slightly less interested in.
Anyway, the main thrust of this episode is the question of whether or not this Kahless is real, because on the one hand, magic in the 24th Century? But on the other hand, his DNA is Kahless’! Somehow! When there’s Klingon Kontroversy you know who we need to call.
If that’s not a cover of a rap album I don’t know what is. Oh, wait a second.
Featuring the hit track “Couldn’t Kah-less”
They totes make fun of Gowron for wearing all his medals. He is kind of the Paul Ryan of the Klingon Empire, right? Kind of?
There is a plot that goes to this episode that I could probably do Drunk History style but I’ll spare you and just show you this chilling prognostication:
I don’t know if something from the past can also be too soon, but too soon.
At least the Klingons have honor.
Okay I don’t want to leave on such a sour note, so here’s a pic of the Klingon Temple that Worf Got His Groove Back At:
This Spacious AirBnB in a secluded hotspot on Boreth has 52 bedrooms, 44 baths, and a pullout sofa in the common room. There is Wifi in most of the house, and a Keurig with complimentary coffee and bloodwine pods.
Strict cancellation policy.
